It’s December 31st, 2018, and my intention is to go to the gym at 6:30 am, although motivation was not in the script. I’m sitting in the warmth of my car in the gym parking lot, not wanting to break the spell of my revealing experience (see my blog post: Step into mindful practice with “A Year of Living MindfulLee”), and the butt warmer was at the perfect temperature.
I begin to fill with the feeling of one of my dearest friends, Rick. He transitioned suddenly from physical to non-physical (you may recognize the term “passing away”), early in the year, the day after I had spent several hours engaging with him over brunch.
We were spiritual partners and mentors for each other. And on this day, he provides me the reflection I need to confirm my intuition, and it shores up my foundation. He says to me, as only Rick can do, in a manner completely connected to Spirit that he has always had. Looking off into the distance, raising his right hand in a gesture, “Oh yeah, it’s going to be great.” He says to me, “You’re going to be fine”.
The next day, I receive the message from his family. My heart breaks again or, truthfully, continues to shatter. As I write this, the loss is streaming down my face, even a year later.
My friend Lee Papa. How does one even begin to harness a testimonial that could possibly describe the relationship I’ve been so blessed to have found with Lee. I stepped into the Ganesha Center in Dec. of 2012. In this very short time, Lee has opened her heart to accept what are my gifts to give without hesitation. What I know about Lee is, that is key in her life in so much as what is present and has been generated to create the Ganesha Center. For without that gift of service that she lives by there couldn’t possibly be a center for wellbeing. Living one’s life in service can only generate blessings into one’s own life. Lee lives in service each and every day for itis the driving “force” that is ever-present in her and the Center. Just one look into her sparkling eyes will tell you her heart leads the way within her. She has and continues to be a touchstone for me as a constant reminder of what is real. I’m truly blessed to call her friend! I Love you Lee Papa.
~ Rick Pessagno | September 1, 2013
Flashing Back
Fast paced now, images of the past year come to me, time and time again punctuated with a bubbling up of contrast situations of pain (causing me to journey to where these conditions arose before, albeit with different actors and players).
My Cub
I experienced two emergency-room trips with my son that were reminiscent of fears and drama that were a part of my ancestral heritage.
My mother was full of fear and expected the worst-case scenario always. If anyone was a few minutes late, she went straight to an accident. And, as everyone knows, because it is in the name “accident”, you can never plan for such events, whether illness or accidents, but rather one can always be present, in the moment, and use it for mindful exploration.
It’s important to feel the feelings. Feel the pain. As I was feeling helpless to take Luca’s pain and, all the while knowing that if I could, it would rob him of the expansive experience of contrast. It still was hard moving through it. This was my 13-year-old baby and being mindfully aware means that I was present with my grief and pain.
To continue with my experience, read “Leveling Up”
